Monday, December 23, 2013

Visit to the Oncologist

It has been seven and a half years since Ted's diagnosis, and his recent MRI was good.  For that, we are very thankful, but during this visit to his oncologist ,Ted asked her if there would ever be a time he could bypass the six month MRI and do it yearly instead.   Her responses always surprise me, mostly I think, because they unveil a little more information.

She told him that because he is still a good candidate for surgery, radiation and chemo again that he shouldn't wait a full year between visits. If you really think about that statement, as I did, it reveals thoughts I don't want to be reminded of,  and things I didn't know about Ted's condition.

First of all, I have had to learn how to bury the fact that this type of cancer is NEVER cured or in remission, and we will never be given the all clear sound.  This reality hung heavy on me for the first two years after his diagnosis.  Gradually, I stuffed the facts deep into my brain,  and now when they start to rise to the top of my consciousness, I do my best to distract myself.  So the oncologist's words during this visit brought those thoughts roaring to the surface of my awareness again.  The fact that he's still a good candidate for surgery and chemo and radiation is great news, right? But it's also a gut punching reminder that he will never be out of the woods.

Okay, I'm stuffing those thoughts back into my brain again and burying them under holiday cheer and lots of chocolate.  Exercise definitely helps too, but so does chocolate.